Update Update

Okay the past couple of months have been crazy and I know I haven't posted a damn thing. I've been busy chasing the poondawnnywanny (sike just jokes side eye). But no I have been attempting to nourish and non existing relationship based loosely off of sex and and bedside manner. Like they say you can't turn a jump off into a husband or house wife. Non the less aside from the shenanigans the summer has been pretty good. I opted not to do any lavish traveling since I'm still in recovery. More on that later. However, I do miss my eyebrow King Damone Roberts, check him out at www.damoneroberts.com and I'm over due for a much needed massage. Other than that life is just peachy.

More later.

Relationships and The Truth

I'm so sick of relationship books that tell women how to find a good man. It's not about finding a good man, it's about finding a good woman as you. Relationships are often easy to come by. It's the finding a good relationship that can be difficult. However, finding a good relationship starts with the woman within. It's not about that man and in some ways it should never be about him. Who cares about his needs, wants or desires. It begins with getting you right. I'll share more.

Keep your White Gay Privilege Agenda off the Backs and Shoulders of My Ancestors

When will people understand that equating the Black Civil Rights Movement to the Gay Movement/Agenda is like comparing someone snatching a rainbow sticker off a car versus having water houses or dogs turned someone because of the color of their skin? The two paradigms don’t match. How could one be so entitled to compare the Black Civil Rights Movement to the Gay Movement/Agenda? As an African-American woman that is part of the LGBT community it is a slap in the face to think that one would feel so entitled to so. This is the type of eliticism that makes me want to holla and throw my hands in the air. This type of entitiliscm makes me want to say: Keep your White gay privilege off the backs and shoulders of my ancestors.

The only time we count as individuals or a collective of people is during the time of Pride when the ballots/agendas are passed around and signatures are needed. No other dialogue is brought into the forefront outside of those times. Have White gays taken the time out to find out if marriage is a pressing agenda for Blacks or other individuals of color? Or is it to be assumed that because we are same gender loving that we ALL have the same agenda? This faux pas is ignorance at its best.

When Proposition 8 passed it was the fault of the black people. Every last Black person in the state of California voted yes for Proposition 8. Anyone of decent intelligence would know that’s a lie. However, where were those people when it came time to knock on the doors of the black community to start a dialogue? How many of those who cast blamed sat with a Black person to have an honest heart felt conservation about gay rights and how this not only affects whites but it crosses color lines and socio-economic Diaspora; and why we needed ALL Black folk to cast down Prop 8 during the heartfelt “…it’s just like the Civil Rights Movement” conversation which is totally spoken out of the true unawareness of pain. Where black gays courted as much during this fight or were we quickly rounded up just as filler? How inclusive was this movement? Not just the movement for Prop 8 but the movement with the rainbow crest of so many colors, but my color not included.

This is in no means a preach of a pity party, but to be honest in what I feel. By no means should any individual wait to be invited or feel that they must be treated with a gentle hand because, “this movement may be something that you can’t grasp.” However, to be honestly included and welcomed is a moment I’m yearning to treasure instead of being the Black woman that is patted on the head or treated as another number. We have a lot of ground to cover in the Gay Movement. No one wants to talk about racism. Because in the Gay world where everyday is sunny and the rainbow is always out, for some racism doesn’t exist. Or maybe racism is just wedge under that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and as long as the rainbow is out we don’t have to discuss it.

Will The Real Men Please Stand Up!

My grandmother once told me that a man is as only good as he is trained. My grandmother was absolutely right. However, I can take it a step further and say that a man is only as good as he is trained, but he must be trained until he can’t be trained no more. What that simply means that a man’s trainning doesn’t end when he becomes an adult and leaves the nest. His training continues when he enters a relationship that is healthy. I have come to the conclusion that most men are socially and developmentally delayed. When a young woman is reared, she receives the lessons quickly from birth to 18 years of age. She must maintain and actively puts those lessons to use until death (or at least some try to). I was listening to the radio this morning during the station’s relationship segment. The host dropped a statistic which didn’t surprise me, 75% of black women are single and there are 11,000 women to 1 man world wide. Great statistics if you are a guy looking for a wife, girlfriend or jump-off. Men that are aware of these statistics can either take advantage of it in a negative or positive way.

However, I believe that women who are having problems, issues or gripes about finding “trained” men crosses the racial and ethnic lines. I’m hearing complaints from white, Asian, Hispanic and African women who are tired of their lazy ass husbands or boyfriends that do nothing but drink drug and hoe around with other women. Now I’m only paraphrasing and repeating what I heard! And in unison they all say “What is the problem with these men of today? Well let me provide an answer based on experience. As men seem to be reverting back to a Neanderthal way of thinking (Now understand that men where put here to only help reproduce. It is only by nurture that they choose to marry or be monogamous. We are talking science here) women are evolving. Women are becoming more educated, career orientated, climbing the corporate ladder and bringing in bank. It was only a mere 40 years ago when the only careers women were allowed to do are secretarial, nurse, stewardess, teacher or mother. Although, some women are still in those career fields (and let me say that women have moved from being stewardess to Flight Attendants!) they are now battling amongst the men just as hard or harder.

With this evolution it seems that men can’t keep up. Now don’t get me wrong, there are many men out here that can keep up and also appreciates a hard working woman. But most of those men are gay! Most heterosexual men that have small penis issues are intimidated by a woman’s intelligence, career and bank roll. These men compensate by having extra martial affairs or just being plain stupid. However, there are some women who do use their “power” to intimidate men or make men feel useless. The worse thing a woman can do is not let her man be A MAN. Yes, did you only think I was only going to side for the women? I see things full circle. Yes ladies, we have a tendency to devalue our men’s worth in the household and outside the household. I know I have done it and it cost me a really great relationship. I was so gun-ho on being Mrs. Polly Provider that I forgot how to the woman that has her man’s back. Men are not only as good as they are trained; however they are only as good as the women standing next to them giving him praises and encouraging him. Sometimes I believe that men have more self-esteem issues than women. However those self-esteem issues translate themselves into affairs, drinking, drugs and abuse.

There are good men out here that will stand up. Sometimes women keep these men from wanting to stand up because we make them feel marginalized by own success. However, I always say that if I have a good man and I’m successful, then he’s successful as well. I’m not talking about in monetary or superficial possessions. What I’m talking about is being successful in self-love, self-appreciation and coming into relationships happy and not settling for junk. A man can tell when a woman settles for junk. Men can sniff out women that have low self-esteem or the ones that are unhappy. He will either run in the other direction or take advantage of that woman. However, when women can stand in love and beside her man or show that she is capable of being beside her man and letting him be all the MAN he is capable of being, he will STAND UP!

No title

I just wanted to stop by and say hi... I'll be posting some photos in a few days of Pride celebrations. Until then I'm getting this interview together and trying to stop coughing.


XO

Follow Me Tuesday!!

Whoop! Whoop! I got a follower. Big ups to Mandii Nichole!! Check Mandii out at http://robotsatemygrandmother.blogspot.com/ Yes I did put you on blast... The background on the blog is FIERCE!!

Are you into BDSM?

A friend and I were discussing BDSM (Bondage Domination Sadistic Masochism) and he asked me: Are you into D/S? I have many friends that are into the Poly Dom/Sub lifestyle. Although, I have been curious of what would make someone want to be a submissive/subserviant, this lifestyle has never peaked my interest enough to make me want to say yes I want to try this. Although, I know you can't knock what you what you have never tried, for me I would have to say no thank you. Not because I find it nasty or demeaning. I don't think I would find a partner that would really allow me to be the Hedonistic Sadist that I am. For those who don't know what Hedonistic Sadist means please peep the following definitions provided by my homie Merrian Webster:

Main Entry:
he·do·nism
Pronunciation:
\ˈhē-də-ˌni-zəm\
Function:
noun
Etymology:
Greek hēdonē pleasure; akin to Greek hēdys sweet — more at sweet
Date:
1856
1 : the doctrine that pleasure or happiness is the sole or chief good in life 2 : a way of life based on or suggesting the principles of hedonism
— he·do·nist \-nist\ noun
— he·do·nis·tic \ˌhē-də-ˈnis-tik\ adjective
— he·do·nis·ti·cal·ly \-ti-k(ə-)lē\ adverb

sa·dism
play_w2("S0014900")
(sdzm, sdz-)
n.
1. The deriving of sexual gratification or the tendency to derive sexual gratification from inflicting pain or emotional abuse on others.
2. The deriving of pleasure, or the tendency to derive pleasure, from cruelty.
3. Extreme cruelty.

So let me ease your mind. I'm not one to come into the bedroom swinging a baseball bat or being abusive to the point of bloodshed or emotional trauma. However, I do enjoy being dominate and having a mate that allows that side of me to creep out. I find this most difficult to accomplish with my "straight" male parterns because of their entertanlized homophobia and when I mention straps-ons they turn blue in the face and go on a "that's some gay shit" tyraid. They so don't get it that sexual pleasure is not a "gay" thing. My bi-sexual paramours appreciate that side in me and there's no question of what to except from our interaction.

Yet for me to be dominated is something I can't do mentally. It's not in my nature or personality to be dominated. I can try it for a hot minute or fake the funk. On some level there has to be a internal desire to overtly please your partner in every aspect as a sub, that desire is not in me because sometimes I don't give a rat's ass about please my partner. I'm being honest and real. Sometimes I'm a selfish chile and just can't help that.