In Search of Saphhic Bliss

It has been a long time since I ventured into the Sapphic bliss of relationship heaven. Amidst with its ups and downs, I still relish in the enjoyment of being in love and thrust into the whirlwind of intimacy and great sex. Although, I like my singlehood I totally dislike the fact that my bed is cold and lonely. The only other inhabitants of this sacred restful space are my two teddy bears that stare at me mockingly with their dark little beady eyes. Many of my coupled up co-habituating friends in loving relationships (smirk) tell me that I should enjoy this moment, “You’re young go have fun and enjoy yourself!” However, I’m getting older. No one told me that once you hit 30 the years will fly by before you can ask: who, what, where, when and why. So now I’m sitting here asking the perplexing question, where do I start?

I’m a strong believer in putting myself out there and allowing my positive energy to radiate and flow its way through the doldrums of dating and doing the “dance”, a dance in which there are too many damn steps. Some steps have led me back to the club/bar scene (yuck), attending various community LGBT meetings with the hope of meeting like minds and venturing into cyberspace posting ads and wading through the ads and responses of those looking to get turned out, copious titty play and women looking for the third wheel in their “heterosexual” relationships. Oh not to mention the ads where some women have so many damn preferences and perquisites for a mate other than breathing, attractive and single, that it makes me wish I can find a way to market a “Build A Lesbian” workshop!

Often times I have to check myself and do a self-evaluation of me. Am I approachable? What does my body language say? I have often been told that I “look” mean or stand-offish. When the fact is I’m terrible shy and once the wall is down I’m a hoot to be around and a great friend. However, I believe that being perceived as standoffish may have to do in fact of living in such a transient city and the fact that we East Coasters residing in DC and above, are a bit rough around the edges unlike our free-flowing West Coast counterparts. Outside of my shyness, I know that I’m a great catch. I’m very attractive, intelligent and pleasant to be around. And my drama is minimal enough to fit into a small clutch purse. Although, I have experienced a few bumps on the financial and educational road and I can become complacent at times, I know will make a great mate. So with that said how come others don’t see that in me? Or are we so caught up in our own stuff that we often miss a great thing when it walks by or smiles at us?