Will The Real Men Please Stand Up!

My grandmother once told me that a man is as only good as he is trained. My grandmother was absolutely right. However, I can take it a step further and say that a man is only as good as he is trained, but he must be trained until he can’t be trained no more. What that simply means that a man’s trainning doesn’t end when he becomes an adult and leaves the nest. His training continues when he enters a relationship that is healthy. I have come to the conclusion that most men are socially and developmentally delayed. When a young woman is reared, she receives the lessons quickly from birth to 18 years of age. She must maintain and actively puts those lessons to use until death (or at least some try to). I was listening to the radio this morning during the station’s relationship segment. The host dropped a statistic which didn’t surprise me, 75% of black women are single and there are 11,000 women to 1 man world wide. Great statistics if you are a guy looking for a wife, girlfriend or jump-off. Men that are aware of these statistics can either take advantage of it in a negative or positive way.

However, I believe that women who are having problems, issues or gripes about finding “trained” men crosses the racial and ethnic lines. I’m hearing complaints from white, Asian, Hispanic and African women who are tired of their lazy ass husbands or boyfriends that do nothing but drink drug and hoe around with other women. Now I’m only paraphrasing and repeating what I heard! And in unison they all say “What is the problem with these men of today? Well let me provide an answer based on experience. As men seem to be reverting back to a Neanderthal way of thinking (Now understand that men where put here to only help reproduce. It is only by nurture that they choose to marry or be monogamous. We are talking science here) women are evolving. Women are becoming more educated, career orientated, climbing the corporate ladder and bringing in bank. It was only a mere 40 years ago when the only careers women were allowed to do are secretarial, nurse, stewardess, teacher or mother. Although, some women are still in those career fields (and let me say that women have moved from being stewardess to Flight Attendants!) they are now battling amongst the men just as hard or harder.

With this evolution it seems that men can’t keep up. Now don’t get me wrong, there are many men out here that can keep up and also appreciates a hard working woman. But most of those men are gay! Most heterosexual men that have small penis issues are intimidated by a woman’s intelligence, career and bank roll. These men compensate by having extra martial affairs or just being plain stupid. However, there are some women who do use their “power” to intimidate men or make men feel useless. The worse thing a woman can do is not let her man be A MAN. Yes, did you only think I was only going to side for the women? I see things full circle. Yes ladies, we have a tendency to devalue our men’s worth in the household and outside the household. I know I have done it and it cost me a really great relationship. I was so gun-ho on being Mrs. Polly Provider that I forgot how to the woman that has her man’s back. Men are not only as good as they are trained; however they are only as good as the women standing next to them giving him praises and encouraging him. Sometimes I believe that men have more self-esteem issues than women. However those self-esteem issues translate themselves into affairs, drinking, drugs and abuse.

There are good men out here that will stand up. Sometimes women keep these men from wanting to stand up because we make them feel marginalized by own success. However, I always say that if I have a good man and I’m successful, then he’s successful as well. I’m not talking about in monetary or superficial possessions. What I’m talking about is being successful in self-love, self-appreciation and coming into relationships happy and not settling for junk. A man can tell when a woman settles for junk. Men can sniff out women that have low self-esteem or the ones that are unhappy. He will either run in the other direction or take advantage of that woman. However, when women can stand in love and beside her man or show that she is capable of being beside her man and letting him be all the MAN he is capable of being, he will STAND UP!

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I just wanted to stop by and say hi... I'll be posting some photos in a few days of Pride celebrations. Until then I'm getting this interview together and trying to stop coughing.


XO

Follow Me Tuesday!!

Whoop! Whoop! I got a follower. Big ups to Mandii Nichole!! Check Mandii out at http://robotsatemygrandmother.blogspot.com/ Yes I did put you on blast... The background on the blog is FIERCE!!

Are you into BDSM?

A friend and I were discussing BDSM (Bondage Domination Sadistic Masochism) and he asked me: Are you into D/S? I have many friends that are into the Poly Dom/Sub lifestyle. Although, I have been curious of what would make someone want to be a submissive/subserviant, this lifestyle has never peaked my interest enough to make me want to say yes I want to try this. Although, I know you can't knock what you what you have never tried, for me I would have to say no thank you. Not because I find it nasty or demeaning. I don't think I would find a partner that would really allow me to be the Hedonistic Sadist that I am. For those who don't know what Hedonistic Sadist means please peep the following definitions provided by my homie Merrian Webster:

Main Entry:
he·do·nism
Pronunciation:
\ˈhē-də-ˌni-zəm\
Function:
noun
Etymology:
Greek hēdonē pleasure; akin to Greek hēdys sweet — more at sweet
Date:
1856
1 : the doctrine that pleasure or happiness is the sole or chief good in life 2 : a way of life based on or suggesting the principles of hedonism
— he·do·nist \-nist\ noun
— he·do·nis·tic \ˌhē-də-ˈnis-tik\ adjective
— he·do·nis·ti·cal·ly \-ti-k(ə-)lē\ adverb

sa·dism
play_w2("S0014900")
(sdzm, sdz-)
n.
1. The deriving of sexual gratification or the tendency to derive sexual gratification from inflicting pain or emotional abuse on others.
2. The deriving of pleasure, or the tendency to derive pleasure, from cruelty.
3. Extreme cruelty.

So let me ease your mind. I'm not one to come into the bedroom swinging a baseball bat or being abusive to the point of bloodshed or emotional trauma. However, I do enjoy being dominate and having a mate that allows that side of me to creep out. I find this most difficult to accomplish with my "straight" male parterns because of their entertanlized homophobia and when I mention straps-ons they turn blue in the face and go on a "that's some gay shit" tyraid. They so don't get it that sexual pleasure is not a "gay" thing. My bi-sexual paramours appreciate that side in me and there's no question of what to except from our interaction.

Yet for me to be dominated is something I can't do mentally. It's not in my nature or personality to be dominated. I can try it for a hot minute or fake the funk. On some level there has to be a internal desire to overtly please your partner in every aspect as a sub, that desire is not in me because sometimes I don't give a rat's ass about please my partner. I'm being honest and real. Sometimes I'm a selfish chile and just can't help that.

Can You Learn To Love Ugly??

Ya’ll don’t judge me!! I have to get this off of my big chest. *sigh* I posted an ad on this site, which will remain anonymous for now; and I received a slew of responses because the girl is the word master and charmer. After reading a few of these responses and viewing oh so many dick photos (FYI: when responding to an ad please respond with words, only sending pictures of your dick will only garner a kiki or two but you will be deleted) I came across a really nice post. This gentleman and I exchanged a few lovely words and I mean what he wrote was beautiful. Of course being the visual creature that I am and realizing that we are a visual society I suggested that we exchange pictures. It’s only fair and I like to have a glimpse of the person behind the words.

So I sent my cute photo with my stunna smile and he sent me his……. *crickets* I know that I’m not the most beautiful creature in the world :0/, however in order for me to be into someone I have to find the person attractive to my eye. I know that beauty is from within and it’s about the heart and all of that other shit. However, when you walked down the street and the person you’re with now passed you or you saw them where ever you were, you didn’t meet or see their heart! You saw a phat ass, a nice dick bulge, good breast; a pretty face or whatever that physical feature was that attracted you. When they opened their mouth and after investing some time you felt their heart and spirit. I can’t stand when people say the first thing that attracted them to their mate was their heart. No bitch! You were attracted to their physical being.

Well, I’m looking at his photo and several things popped up for me. One being a voluptuous, big, full figured, fat, BBW or whatever it’s called, it doesn't prescribe me by default to be attracted to other large bodied people. When in fact I’m not and all of my mates have been smaller than me. Now some us full-bodied folk are fine and can carry the ass, breast and thighs real nice, but for me I like the opposite of myself. So I’m looking at this extremely close up photo with this man in glasses and he sort of reminded me of a brown version of Shrek *sigh*.

I was so not visually stimulated by this photo and yes I know it was only a photo. However, this experience begged me to ask the question: Can one learn to love ugly? Now I have some friends who have mates and they, themselves have stated that their mate isn’t all that in the looks department. Yet they keep them happy, take care of the homestead, love them dearly and can sling some hellafied dick. I don’t know… Maybe I’m too damn picky and my pickiness is keeping me from getting some good ass. Naaaaw!!!!!!

Don't Play Me!

You know I have a real huge problem when people try to play me for some type of fool. However, in my place of zen and trying to keep from snapping/quirking the hell out I try to find a lesson; even in bullshit. I try not to project my negative energy on anyone. Although, the path to not doing so is often difficult. However when I'm in a space that is not mentally safe I retreat. I do not blame other's for my actions; and I try not to fall to the bait of others who choose to project their shit onto me for whatever reason. So this morning I noticed a former co-worker on Facebook.

It has been over a year since we last hung out and talked. Being the person who is learning to connect I reached out to her. However, I should have known that was a no, no due to the her history and behavior for the untruth. My close friend became a victim of her untruths. Anyway, when I requested "friendship" this is the e-mail she sent me:


I have been okay. To be honest with you I was raped by that guy I took to his house that night. I was really drunk and I was blacking out. I really hope real friends would not have let me drive home like that or take a complete stranger into my car. I know it was not your fault but I am feeling a certain way abt it.Thanks,---------


When I read the first line I was like, whoa!! However, when I kept reading my whoa went to immediate disdain. How can someone harbor these emotions for over a year and now just bring it up? We had several conversations after the night. But quickly my disdain turned to pity with a tinge of sarcasm. I refused to navigate her issue. Being the person and feisty spirit I am, I had to respond. Although, I knew I had to be reserved in my response. Show concern for the alleged event and respond in a way to let her know that I hear you, but I'm not going to be put in a space for blame. With that I replied:

Oh my goodness -------, I am so sorry to read that he raped you. We were all drunk that night to the point that each of us needed a personal designated driver. I’m sorry to read that he violated you, especially since you were so kind enough to volunteer and give him a ride home after you found out that he didn’t live that far from you. I hope that he was/is punished to the fullest extent of the law and that you find peace and closure within yourself.
Best Regards, Me

I might not have responded in a way that she thinks I should have responded, however I made it an issue to respond and take responsibility for a response that I own and puts me in a safe place mentally. It has been several days since I've sent her my response; and of course she hasn't responded me back, which suits my just fine.

Be a freak with your mate!!

A few days ago my beauty sleep was aburptly disrupted by the annoying sound of my cell phone rigning at an ungodly hour. Anyone that knows me, knows that calling me before the sun is up is a no no. Without checking the caller ID I answered the phone with my best, "Who the fuck is this?" voice. On the other end I could hear heavy breathing; and I knew I wasn't in the mood for a bunch of fuckery. However, the heavy breathing registered as sobbing and I checked the caller ID and recongized my besti's number. Alarmed by her call I quickly woke up. After a brief assesment, I was happy to learn it wasn't a, I got my ass whiped or somebody died call.

She informed me that her man dumped her because she wasn't willing to please him. (At that point I put her on hold to pour myself a glass of wine. Yes it was only 5:15am and some change but I knew I needed a sip to get through this.) Trying to be sensitive I knew I had to take the bait so I asked her, "please him how?" She told me through snotty sighs that he broke up with her because she wouldn't let him perform anal sex, do cum shots or spank her. After hearing that I gulped my wine down in one big swallow and poured another glass. Because of her rejection of not sexually satisfying him, their six year relationship was over in a matter of a lack of a cum shot.

I do agree with him on one front, if you are a dead lay I will cut that ass losse. Yes, sex is very important in a relationship and at times there aren't any deal breakers. With that said I had to give her my assessment of the situaiton. After a few poor babies I had to lay out the truth. I simply told her to get over herself and her own insecurities. My saying has always been, "If you can't be a freak with your mate, who will you be a freak for?" As black women we have so many hang ups about our sexuality and own self-worth. However, in a relationship one is suppose to and should feel safe with their mate.

I don't think it was so much her going, "ewww that's gross" but I think what got him (and what most men will not admit) is the fact she rejected him as her intimate partner and he understood on some elementary level that she didn't feel safe enough to trust him. Upon further discovery, my besti informed me that this is someting he would like to do in the FUTURE, so damn she just cut him off at the pass! Like oh fuck no, I will not be doing that shit never ever never!! Men don't respond well when they are rejected before the horse is out of the gate. No pun intended!

However, women that do immediate sexual rejection need to be careful, because as one of my favorite commediens Mo'nique put it so eloquently, "What your woman won't do, a nasty bitch like me will!" So many men are leaving their relationships for the lady that knows how to the "nasty bitch". That sentiment resonated with me so strongly, because I'm that lady and when I got over myself, my bullshit and insecurities I learned the beauty of trusting my mate and they have assisted grealty in unleashing the nasty bitch within. Why? Because I am safe and trust my mate with my most precious gift of embracing my sexuality.

So I told her to talk to him. Let him know your fears. Stop being the big bad super woman and allow your man to be a man. Work through your shit and then work through it together. You just can't throw away six years. And by the way do something freaky one step at a time. Trust me they will appreciate the baby steps.