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I just wanted to stop by and say hi... I'll be posting some photos in a few days of Pride celebrations. Until then I'm getting this interview together and trying to stop coughing.


XO

Follow Me Tuesday!!

Whoop! Whoop! I got a follower. Big ups to Mandii Nichole!! Check Mandii out at http://robotsatemygrandmother.blogspot.com/ Yes I did put you on blast... The background on the blog is FIERCE!!

Are you into BDSM?

A friend and I were discussing BDSM (Bondage Domination Sadistic Masochism) and he asked me: Are you into D/S? I have many friends that are into the Poly Dom/Sub lifestyle. Although, I have been curious of what would make someone want to be a submissive/subserviant, this lifestyle has never peaked my interest enough to make me want to say yes I want to try this. Although, I know you can't knock what you what you have never tried, for me I would have to say no thank you. Not because I find it nasty or demeaning. I don't think I would find a partner that would really allow me to be the Hedonistic Sadist that I am. For those who don't know what Hedonistic Sadist means please peep the following definitions provided by my homie Merrian Webster:

Main Entry:
he·do·nism
Pronunciation:
\ˈhē-də-ˌni-zəm\
Function:
noun
Etymology:
Greek hēdonē pleasure; akin to Greek hēdys sweet — more at sweet
Date:
1856
1 : the doctrine that pleasure or happiness is the sole or chief good in life 2 : a way of life based on or suggesting the principles of hedonism
— he·do·nist \-nist\ noun
— he·do·nis·tic \ˌhē-də-ˈnis-tik\ adjective
— he·do·nis·ti·cal·ly \-ti-k(ə-)lē\ adverb

sa·dism
play_w2("S0014900")
(sdzm, sdz-)
n.
1. The deriving of sexual gratification or the tendency to derive sexual gratification from inflicting pain or emotional abuse on others.
2. The deriving of pleasure, or the tendency to derive pleasure, from cruelty.
3. Extreme cruelty.

So let me ease your mind. I'm not one to come into the bedroom swinging a baseball bat or being abusive to the point of bloodshed or emotional trauma. However, I do enjoy being dominate and having a mate that allows that side of me to creep out. I find this most difficult to accomplish with my "straight" male parterns because of their entertanlized homophobia and when I mention straps-ons they turn blue in the face and go on a "that's some gay shit" tyraid. They so don't get it that sexual pleasure is not a "gay" thing. My bi-sexual paramours appreciate that side in me and there's no question of what to except from our interaction.

Yet for me to be dominated is something I can't do mentally. It's not in my nature or personality to be dominated. I can try it for a hot minute or fake the funk. On some level there has to be a internal desire to overtly please your partner in every aspect as a sub, that desire is not in me because sometimes I don't give a rat's ass about please my partner. I'm being honest and real. Sometimes I'm a selfish chile and just can't help that.

Can You Learn To Love Ugly??

Ya’ll don’t judge me!! I have to get this off of my big chest. *sigh* I posted an ad on this site, which will remain anonymous for now; and I received a slew of responses because the girl is the word master and charmer. After reading a few of these responses and viewing oh so many dick photos (FYI: when responding to an ad please respond with words, only sending pictures of your dick will only garner a kiki or two but you will be deleted) I came across a really nice post. This gentleman and I exchanged a few lovely words and I mean what he wrote was beautiful. Of course being the visual creature that I am and realizing that we are a visual society I suggested that we exchange pictures. It’s only fair and I like to have a glimpse of the person behind the words.

So I sent my cute photo with my stunna smile and he sent me his……. *crickets* I know that I’m not the most beautiful creature in the world :0/, however in order for me to be into someone I have to find the person attractive to my eye. I know that beauty is from within and it’s about the heart and all of that other shit. However, when you walked down the street and the person you’re with now passed you or you saw them where ever you were, you didn’t meet or see their heart! You saw a phat ass, a nice dick bulge, good breast; a pretty face or whatever that physical feature was that attracted you. When they opened their mouth and after investing some time you felt their heart and spirit. I can’t stand when people say the first thing that attracted them to their mate was their heart. No bitch! You were attracted to their physical being.

Well, I’m looking at his photo and several things popped up for me. One being a voluptuous, big, full figured, fat, BBW or whatever it’s called, it doesn't prescribe me by default to be attracted to other large bodied people. When in fact I’m not and all of my mates have been smaller than me. Now some us full-bodied folk are fine and can carry the ass, breast and thighs real nice, but for me I like the opposite of myself. So I’m looking at this extremely close up photo with this man in glasses and he sort of reminded me of a brown version of Shrek *sigh*.

I was so not visually stimulated by this photo and yes I know it was only a photo. However, this experience begged me to ask the question: Can one learn to love ugly? Now I have some friends who have mates and they, themselves have stated that their mate isn’t all that in the looks department. Yet they keep them happy, take care of the homestead, love them dearly and can sling some hellafied dick. I don’t know… Maybe I’m too damn picky and my pickiness is keeping me from getting some good ass. Naaaaw!!!!!!

Don't Play Me!

You know I have a real huge problem when people try to play me for some type of fool. However, in my place of zen and trying to keep from snapping/quirking the hell out I try to find a lesson; even in bullshit. I try not to project my negative energy on anyone. Although, the path to not doing so is often difficult. However when I'm in a space that is not mentally safe I retreat. I do not blame other's for my actions; and I try not to fall to the bait of others who choose to project their shit onto me for whatever reason. So this morning I noticed a former co-worker on Facebook.

It has been over a year since we last hung out and talked. Being the person who is learning to connect I reached out to her. However, I should have known that was a no, no due to the her history and behavior for the untruth. My close friend became a victim of her untruths. Anyway, when I requested "friendship" this is the e-mail she sent me:


I have been okay. To be honest with you I was raped by that guy I took to his house that night. I was really drunk and I was blacking out. I really hope real friends would not have let me drive home like that or take a complete stranger into my car. I know it was not your fault but I am feeling a certain way abt it.Thanks,---------


When I read the first line I was like, whoa!! However, when I kept reading my whoa went to immediate disdain. How can someone harbor these emotions for over a year and now just bring it up? We had several conversations after the night. But quickly my disdain turned to pity with a tinge of sarcasm. I refused to navigate her issue. Being the person and feisty spirit I am, I had to respond. Although, I knew I had to be reserved in my response. Show concern for the alleged event and respond in a way to let her know that I hear you, but I'm not going to be put in a space for blame. With that I replied:

Oh my goodness -------, I am so sorry to read that he raped you. We were all drunk that night to the point that each of us needed a personal designated driver. I’m sorry to read that he violated you, especially since you were so kind enough to volunteer and give him a ride home after you found out that he didn’t live that far from you. I hope that he was/is punished to the fullest extent of the law and that you find peace and closure within yourself.
Best Regards, Me

I might not have responded in a way that she thinks I should have responded, however I made it an issue to respond and take responsibility for a response that I own and puts me in a safe place mentally. It has been several days since I've sent her my response; and of course she hasn't responded me back, which suits my just fine.

Be a freak with your mate!!

A few days ago my beauty sleep was aburptly disrupted by the annoying sound of my cell phone rigning at an ungodly hour. Anyone that knows me, knows that calling me before the sun is up is a no no. Without checking the caller ID I answered the phone with my best, "Who the fuck is this?" voice. On the other end I could hear heavy breathing; and I knew I wasn't in the mood for a bunch of fuckery. However, the heavy breathing registered as sobbing and I checked the caller ID and recongized my besti's number. Alarmed by her call I quickly woke up. After a brief assesment, I was happy to learn it wasn't a, I got my ass whiped or somebody died call.

She informed me that her man dumped her because she wasn't willing to please him. (At that point I put her on hold to pour myself a glass of wine. Yes it was only 5:15am and some change but I knew I needed a sip to get through this.) Trying to be sensitive I knew I had to take the bait so I asked her, "please him how?" She told me through snotty sighs that he broke up with her because she wouldn't let him perform anal sex, do cum shots or spank her. After hearing that I gulped my wine down in one big swallow and poured another glass. Because of her rejection of not sexually satisfying him, their six year relationship was over in a matter of a lack of a cum shot.

I do agree with him on one front, if you are a dead lay I will cut that ass losse. Yes, sex is very important in a relationship and at times there aren't any deal breakers. With that said I had to give her my assessment of the situaiton. After a few poor babies I had to lay out the truth. I simply told her to get over herself and her own insecurities. My saying has always been, "If you can't be a freak with your mate, who will you be a freak for?" As black women we have so many hang ups about our sexuality and own self-worth. However, in a relationship one is suppose to and should feel safe with their mate.

I don't think it was so much her going, "ewww that's gross" but I think what got him (and what most men will not admit) is the fact she rejected him as her intimate partner and he understood on some elementary level that she didn't feel safe enough to trust him. Upon further discovery, my besti informed me that this is someting he would like to do in the FUTURE, so damn she just cut him off at the pass! Like oh fuck no, I will not be doing that shit never ever never!! Men don't respond well when they are rejected before the horse is out of the gate. No pun intended!

However, women that do immediate sexual rejection need to be careful, because as one of my favorite commediens Mo'nique put it so eloquently, "What your woman won't do, a nasty bitch like me will!" So many men are leaving their relationships for the lady that knows how to the "nasty bitch". That sentiment resonated with me so strongly, because I'm that lady and when I got over myself, my bullshit and insecurities I learned the beauty of trusting my mate and they have assisted grealty in unleashing the nasty bitch within. Why? Because I am safe and trust my mate with my most precious gift of embracing my sexuality.

So I told her to talk to him. Let him know your fears. Stop being the big bad super woman and allow your man to be a man. Work through your shit and then work through it together. You just can't throw away six years. And by the way do something freaky one step at a time. Trust me they will appreciate the baby steps.

My Attraction To Gay Men

I will be the first to openly admitt that there is something sexy about the open, out and FIERCE gay/bisexual/?? man. I don't know exactly what it is, however I find these men absolutely refined and beautiful. I've always had this sexual attraction towards gay men, this may be due to the fact that I was in a relationship with a man who came out to me, however we remained comitted in our openly bisexual relationship, although he explained to me that he was more gay than bisexual. However, being a student of Pyschology and Sociology I understand that sexuality is on a specturm; but back then I certainly didn't understand the reasoning of "I'm more gay than bisexual".

As a woman who has been up and down the specturm of heterosexual, bi-curious, lesbian, back to heterosexual and now realizing that I'm a bisexual woman and can own it-I get the statement that my former boyfriend, now bestfriend spoke. I was one of those card carrying lesbians who hung onto to the idea that I must choose one or the other. FUCK that!! The point is, I'm a sexual being that finds pleasure not so much in the sex organs but in the esscence of the person. Some of my lesbians friends have clowned me and refered to me as a "fag hag" but I'm far from being a hag and I can atest to appreciating the beauty in all of God's creations.

There are times when I wish my fierceness could stand up with the best of these men who yield a, "I don't give a rat ass what you think of me" swagg. Maybe if most of my lesbian, bisexual and heterosexual sisters had this swagg attitude it would rid them of their low self-esteeme and self-loathing behavior. Yet that is another blog for another time. So below are some of the gay/bisexual/?? men that I find absolutely beautiful. Enjoy!!

The lovely Damone Roberts and owner of Damone Roberts salon of Beverly Hills, CA and New York. Damone is the eyebrow king and has the God given talent to transform your face in a 15 mintue brow scultpting session. I've had the pleasure of sitting in his chair a few times and he is the Eyebrow King check him out at http://www.damoneroberts.com/ and make an appointment!!

Dariel Pulliam the style guru and best friend of Neffie on Keyisha Cole the Way It is show. Get into his hair. This man is FIERCE with a captial GAWT DAMN!! I'm hoping he will get into loc styling. I would love to sit in his chair. Check him out http://www.myspace.com/sexydiego

Dwight Eubans the actual break out star of the Bravo's The Real Housewives of Atlanta, fashionisto and owner of the Purple Door Salon in Atlanta Georgia's Buckhead area. I love this brother and his tell it like it is attidtude. Dwight is one of those men who will pull you up by the collar and tell you that you look like a hot mess and what he will do to fix it. Check his site out http://purpledoorsalon.com/ and be on the lookout for his new televsion show on Bravo!!